The importance of self-love
It’s ironic, isn’t it? Our relationships with other people can tell us so much about the relationship we have with ourselves.
I always thought that I loved myself until I had to cut someone I cared about out of my life. It was only at that moment, that my actions truly aligned with loving myself. Before that, I had been putting that person’s needs and feelings first and totally ignoring my own to make that person happy.
It hurt me to cut this tie but I knew that ultimately, it would be the thing that healed me. At that moment, I knew that my feelings and emotions deserved to be acknowledged and I was no longer going to brush them to the side.
That’s when I realised that I really loved myself.
How to experience self-love
Self-love is more than not putting yourself down and indulging in self-care – although that’s part of it. I believe that true self-love is not always pretty – it involves making some uncomfortable and scary decisions – like letting go of someone that you care about, for example.
You make that choice because you know that you deserve better, and finding someone that treats you how you deserve is more important than keeping that person around.
In the long run, it’s a decision that will serve you very well and open many doors.
But in the moment – it’s uncomfortable. Your self-love has to overcome the doubt that you won’t meet anyone better, the pain of no longer having someone you care about in your life, the fear of going back to square one and trying again with someone new.
So self-love really is a big deal. It has to be powerful. It’s more than just telling yourself you love yourself over and over again.
To achieve it – your choices have to come from a place of self-love.
Your actions have to align with self-love.
Here are 5 things you can do to align with self-love through the relationships you have with other people.
When you settle for someone, you’re telling the universe that you don’t believe what you really want is out there for you.
If you did, why would you be willing to settle for something that’s not-quite-it-but-close-enough?
Settling is what we do as a last resort. Things we settle for are never what we really wanted in the first place and we’ll always know that.
Like when you’re craving a chocolate milkshake but McDonald’s is all out, so you settle for the strawberry instead.
You know you’d enjoy the chocolate more. That’s what you wanted in the first place. You could wait, find another store, hold out for what you really wanted. Or you can get the instant gratification of the strawberry – not quite what you wanted, but you still get a milkshake.
What you really want is going to be more satisfying. What you settle for is just temporarily filling a void. And you can feel the difference.
We should not be approaching relationships like strawberry milkshakes. Devoting your time and energy to someone is a big deal.
Respect and love yourself enough to trust that you are deserving of exactly what you want. Be willing to go without until you get exactly what that is.
We live in an abundant universe and there’s no reason why you can’t have exactly what you desire. You have to believe that.
You don’t need to settle.
The universe will send you people to help you get clarity on what you really want. Not everyone that enters your life is meant to stay. It’s OK to let people go. You don’t have to force anything with someone just because they are there.
Your feelings matter too.
You should be able to let someone know exactly how you feel and exactly what you want from them.
If you feel the need to play games, that means you don’t feel comfortable enough to communicate what it is that you really want.
If they are the right person for you and if you are truly aligned, they will want the same or at the very least, respect what you want and be willing to compromise.
It’s as simple as that.
If you don’t feel comfortable to let someone know what you want for fear that they may not like it, or they may leave you as a result – that moves you away from a self-loving vibration.
Love and fear are not emotions that vibrate in harmony – so how can you have a truly healthy, happy relationship when they’re both present?
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries to enforce that your feelings and emotions are important and should be respected. Anyone who is supposed to be in your life will respect those boundaries, your wishes, your wants and your needs.
Grow and learn through relationships
There are always lessons in the difficult situations that arise in our lives and until we learn these lessons, we tend to repeat the same cycles, either through new relationships or existing ones.
It’s so important to stay self-aware and not get so wrapped up in the other person that you can’t see what it is you’re supposed to learn. If I had done this sooner, I probably would have saved myself a lot of heartache.
Up until now, most relationships in my life have always followed the exact same pattern. I knew if I wanted to see a change in what I was attracting, it was time to take a good, long look at myself and my behaviour – rather than wondering what was up with the other person.
When you get caught up in the ‘why’s’ – why doesn’t she love me, why can’t I be with him, why isn’t it working out – etc, you’re missing the whole point. Instead, we need to ask ourselves questions like:
- What did I learn from my experience with this person?
- What did I learn about myself through my interactions with this person?
- What qualities of this person would I like to see in my next partner?
- What qualities did this person have that I struggled with – what does that say about me and what I need?
No relationship with any person is ever a waste of time.
At the very least – if something doesn’t work out, you are left with more clarity on what you need from a friend or partner.
If you find yourself seeing the same patterns in relationships – there’s something you need to learn before anything will change.
Know when it’s time to walk away
When something at first brings us joy, it can be hard to let go of that thing when it no longer makes us feel good. We hold on to the memories – the ‘what could be’ if we don’t give up on it.
Sometimes we settle because the things that are familiar fill certain voids – and letting go can be scary because we don’t know what’s coming up next.
But the universe is constantly bringing us experiences that help us learn and grow – and sometimes it really is up to us to let go and walk away from things that are no longer serving us in order to progress to our next stage of development.
Until we’re brave enough to accept that it’s our responsibility and finally take that step, the universe can’t give us the loving, happy, relationship we’ve asked for.
The universe will only give us what we’re ready for, and if we aren’t ready to walk away from existing unhappy relationships – we’re showing the universe that we’re not really ready to be happy yet.
When something that once brought us joy no longer does – that’s our cue from our emotional guidance system that we need to start thinking about letting that thing go as it’s no longer aligned to our purpose.
It’s never easy when the thing you are walking away from is a person you care about. But remember that when you do this because that person is no longer bringing you joy or making you feel good about yourself, you send a powerful message to the universe.
When you put your happiness first, you send such a strong vibration of self-love to the universe that as you close this door, another will surely open and someone who is now aligned with your new vibration will be waiting behind it.
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Don’t waste the one life we have putting yourself down, staying in unhappy relationships, spending time with people who don’t see your worth and value! Save your precious energy for the people who deserve it and return it! Prioritise your happiness everyday. Make your decisions from a place of self love, say NO to the things and people that drain your energy and don’t make you feel good. Say NO to the things and people that make you question if you’re good enough or make you doubt your self worth. It’s not even being selfish – you can’t pour from an empty cup. You can’t help and support others on their journey if you are drained from not giving yourself the love and care you deserve, or from surrounding yourself with people who disrupt your peace. You’re going to be you for the rest of your life, so LOVE yourself and make choices that support and align with the love you have for yourself if you want this to be a life worth living?My latest blog post is linked in my bio, it’s about empowering yourself with self love through your relationships with others. Enjoy and have an amazing Friday!! ?
Remember your worth
If you don’t see your own value, you will attract others who also do not see it. Because your actions will stem from the feeling of not valuing yourself – whether you realise this or not.
Trust me – sometimes it can be hard to recognise that your actions are not aligned.
We do everything to convince ourselves that we are happy because we can’t face walking away from that person just yet. We hold on the smallest nuggets of hope that things may work out when it’s so clear that they’re not supposed to.
Or maybe we express the value we have for ourselves in other areas of life – like in the workplace, by fiercely demanding respect from our colleagues, and thinking that’s enough.
We can’t value ourselves sometimes or in certain situations – we need to value ourselves at all times – in and out of relationships.
Think about how you would behave if you truly knew your worth. How would you walk and talk – to yourself and others? What would you accept and allow in your relationships? What boundaries would you set? What would be your relationship dealbreakers?
Take the answers to those questions and start behaving like that now – even if you feel like you’re not quite there yet.
As you begin to truly love, respect and value yourself, your actions will naturally align and you will attract relationships that reflect that.
That has been the biggest lesson for me. If your actions are not aligned with valuing yourself, you will find yourself in relationships where you don’t feel valued. If you don’t regard your own feelings and emotions as important, you will attract others who also disregard these things.
You should not have to prove your worth to anyone. Just like everyone on this planet, you are here for a purpose. You are special, deserving and worthy of everything amazing this life has to offer. If someone cannot see that, let them go so you can welcome someone into your life that does.
I’m going to end this post with a poem I wrote about remembering your worth and seeing your value. Enjoy <3
Two year old You
Look at a picture of two year old you